Wasting Time...
I like lists. I make lists of everything, especially when I'm stressed or unable to sleep. I stole this one from my cousin.
The catch is that all the answers must only be ONE word.
1.Where is your mobile phone? charging
2.Your significant other? errands
3.Your hair? bedhead
4.Your mother? mom
5.Your father? dad
6.Your favourite thing? fun
7.Your dream last night? nightmare :(
8.Your favorite drink? limeade
9.Your dream/goal? love
10.The room you’re in? kitchen
11.Your ex? which?
12.Your fear? unlovable.
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14.Where were you last night? Victor's
15.What you’re not? hippie
16.Muffins? bleh
17.One of your wish list items? bike
18.Where you grew up? Sunbury
19.The last thing you did? coffee
20.What are you wearing? pajamas
21.Your TV? none
22.Your pets? Jaws :)
23.Your computer? none
24.Your life? awesome
25.Your mood? content
26.Missing someone? enormously
27.Your car? none
28.Something you’re not wearing? underwear
29.Favorite Store? Macy’s
30.Your summer? anticipation
31.Like someone? totally
32.Your favorite color? blue
33.When is the last time you laughed? today
34.Last time you cried? yesterday
35.Who will/would re-post this? unknown
How To Make A Shank
First, you have to go to a shitty border town. The kind where nobody asks any questions when a white girl shows up in a machine shop and asks the boss to make her a shank. We chose Reynosa, Mexico, where GLF's dad just happens to have a machine shop.
It is very important to choose the perfect piece of scrap metal for your shank. I went with this rusty old saw blade, figuring if my prison shanking abilities were less than stellar I could at least hope my victim hadn't had a recent tetanus shot.
Next step: filing the piece of metal into a shank-like shape. I went with a double edge shank, being totally unaware there were different styles to choose from until GLF's dad politely explained them to me. :) I'm all about proper safety equipment, but Gaylord, being
hecho en Mexico, was too cool for protective eye wear.
After playing in the shop for awhile, and one desperate escape attempt by yours truly (I only made it 3 blocks on my own before I was picked up, brought back, and very sternly told to NOT GO OUTSIDE BY MYSELF - it was like that time I got grounded for setting off my crazy neighbors car alarm so often that he finally called the police) we decided to leave the shank-making to the Mexicans and go get drunk. :)
After some margaritas and visits to a few of GLF's uncles - one of them, apparently the smarter one, refused to allow me to enter his bar. My reputation as a master shanker must have preceeded me!!! - we went back to pick up the finished product. As the first picture clearly demonstrates, proper shanking technique requires you to hold your shank in one hand, and your margarita in the other.
The finished product:
Then we had a fantastic BBQ at GLF's dad's house. Check out GLF's
HOT sisters!!! I thought Brownie was the only hasher with a hot sister. :)
GLF got a little mouthy so I had to teach him what happens to Mexicans who can't keep their mouth shut.
Just kidding. I didn't do that.
Late last night, after drinking my own weight in vodka, we smuggled my shank across the border and now we're back in McAllen, Texas. Sadly, I have lost custody of my shank and GLF says I can only use it under direct supervision. :(
So...we skipped Corpus and drove straight to McAllen, TX. This is the town where little Gaylord grew up. I saw little Gaylord's school, and the house where little Gaylord lived, and the fields little Gaylord used to play in. And many, many pictures of little Gaylord (hahahahahaha!!). I got my ass kicked by a 5 year old at Go Fish, and I watched most of Horton Hears A Who, which is an awesome movie.
Today we will head to Mexico, where I will shank anyone who looks at me wrong, because (1) that's how you roll in Mexico, and (2) I don't want to lose my expert shanking skills after spending so much time at TXIH practicing them!
Thanks to Gaylord for updating my blog and posting all those pictures (your mom posts pictures). We finished recovering from TXIH by heading to The Woodlands for some awesome food (liquid crack, anyone?) and many, many margaritas. And Ass Gagger, E.S.P.N. and I got in some sneaky, ninja style red-headed slut shots. :)
We all crashed at Donnie the Retard and E.S.P.N.'s place, and like true hashers once we were invited we never left. :) The plan was breakfast and then hit the road but instead we've been lounging on the couch watching Team America and Old School.
Next up: Corpus Christi.
I've never been able to pack my sleeping bag in the super tiny bag that comes with it, without a) taking a break b) spraining a wrist c) making a complete spectacle of myself. Gaylord made me do it, and wouldn't help. :(
till the very end of course, when I was out of breath and couldn't do it anymore.
Gaylord was my hero, and finished it up. Then we got to drinking again. and I went to the Knuckledraggers circle.
Gaylord and I doing shots off of the Shot Luge! Wild Cherry vodka for me, Hot Damn (!!!!) for GLF!
Learning the ever useful, double down down. :D
Dicksmiths compound, complete with white picket fence and castles. We weren't allowed to dig on the property due to the livestock that come through here, so he couldn't put the moat in place. :(
Donnie the Retard, in what might be the world's smallest camping chair. Cause he broke the other one, when he sat down during the Friday nights activities. hahahaha
Donnie the Retard
Me and Gaylord...drinking...yet again.
Donnie got loaded. FUCK YEAH!!
Gaylord had the tour de chug shirt for a long time. Not a good idea. All challenges MUST be accepted!! Death by Dildo totally annihilated him by challenging him, and then not drinking. HA! She got him 6 times with that! Tour de chug, shot luge, and a few rounds of asshole...it was the drunkest I've ever seen him.
KBS and me doing shots.
Some more photos of Friday night. The band canceled at the last minute, despite having spent weeks prior bugging everyone on hashspace and with email to buy their crappy T-shirts. So there was no show or event on Friday night, but the Knuckledraggers had set up a very large structure, with a cover, and had a beer pong table, a 3-man table and also a Flip Cup table going, with music, sound system and disco lights. Everyone came here and they saved the night. Knuckledraggers are my heroes!!!!
During the evening, Donnie and Gaylord began what they like to call their "black ops missions"
As they put it, how could the organizer put a can of gel shaving cream into every gimme bag and not expect someone to come up with the idea of spraying people with it. Shheeeriously.
I like to call this picture "Gaylord's demise" I think he had the "Tour de Chug" shirt on for a few hours, and then he kept saddling up to the Shot Luge and doing all kinds of shots. Eventually he passed out, not without going down kicking and screaming. "Why are you making me take a nap?!? I could keep going!!" Hahahahahaha!! A few hours later he fell out of his tent (literally) and was right back at it.
Me. Aren't I cute?
(MASSIVE) Slut Slinger, who finally acknowledged that he knew me. But I think it was just the fact he'd had the TdeC shirt on for a while. Maybe now he'll add me on hashspace, instead of declining my friend request! Moron! He redeemed himself by following my orders to hang his head in shame every time he saw me.
Donnie and Gaylord regulating at Beirut. They had it down, and kept winning and destroying the competition. Even the annoying guys that thought they'd win. Donnie and Gaylord were playing psy ops games on them and totally screwed their mental game.
Gay-Ho and Kit Kat!
KBS, after getting over his fear of germs during Beirut. He did manage to wash ALL the balls between throws. It was funny to watch.
KBS, moments before he felt the wrath of my shank. hahahaha not really.
It was a long night of missions for all of us, and more than one time, I had to go "ninja" on people. Gaylord was the instigator, and apparently during the road trip to Texas had brainwashed my mind, so that when my activation word was mentioned, I would instantly go into "ninja" mode. I managed to take 3 mugs and a few other "souvenirs." :D
Well, not only did I survive nearly 36 straight hours in the truck with GAYLORD
(THE COOLEST HASHER IN THE WORLD) , we finally arrived to Austin, Tx late Thursday night and immediately began partying at Knaves' house. What started out as a few Knuckledraggers crashing there before the ride to TXIH turned into a pretty decent sized group of hashers, and before we knew it, we were drunk. :) I take ZERO responsibility for that, as Death By Dildo met me at the door with Jaeger shots.
Here are some photos. TXIH went off without much problems. Lots of mud the first day, and I've become quite adept at driving. For not having driven in the last 2 years, I put more miles under me in 36 hours than in 2 years in Korea. I even experienced that wonderful feeling of road rage!
oh yes....PHOTOS:
Gaylord yelling at me to "Get in the fucking truck now!!!!" Cause my ADD took over, and I wouldn't get in the truck and wasted like 3. 6 minutes at this gas station somewhere in central California. Shhhhheeeshhhhh! I also got yelled at for having the audacity to ask for some beef jerky. "Now you're just buying shit!!! Get in the truck!!" Retardo!
All Shaft, No Head. He said I got the looks in the family. I would have to agree.
Donnie the Retard and Gaylord Focker, waiting at the bar for some of the bad weather to pass. Donnie's 1st time riding with the Knuckledraggers, and he did a better job keeping his bike upright than some of the "hardcore" members. Slut dropped his bike not once...not twice...but 3 (!!!!!!) times!
Wet Spot and (MASSIVE) Slut Slinger. I wish SS was my hash space friend, but he won't add me. :(
These are a few photos from our beer/soda stop with the Knuckledraggers H3 M.C. and their 7th year of riding to TXIH. It was very wet. Luckily I was dry in the truck, and able to listen to my New Kids on The Block music!!!!...and the Humpty Dance....
Kit Kat and I at the campsite, Friday night. My shank was in my sleeve, and this is moments before I shanked her prison style...I also took out a couple other douchebags that deserved it. Kit Kat didn't deserve it, I was just showing her how to do it.
Thursday night at Knaves house, playing Beirut in the garage on the flimsiest table ever. That's Butter Bling in the middle, who was the reigning "Mr. Texas Interhash"
Friday morning, and the KDH3 hash is ready to roll. It's wet, we're hungover, little to no sleep, but they're going to ride. We go to breakfast and get some coffee, and waited for the weather to pass by. It was moving fast and already in Louisiana when we left breakfast.
Gagger, showing us why she gags sooo easily. Have you ever seen a tongue that huge? She is very popular in some circles. :)
Donnie the Retard, Gaylord Focker and All shaft, No Head. at the beer stop in Navasota, Tx.
