Guess Who's Coming Back?!?!?
In what can only be described as further proof that hagwons will hire anyone, Beaks will be back in Seoul in a few weeks. I recommend hiding your valuables and locking up your Korean daughters...
Last Saturday Rachellynn and I totally scrapped our plans to go hiking at Gwanaksan and instead we went to Uijongbu. We decided on Uijongbu because it's the town that M.A.S.H (the greatest show ever) is based on. And because I like it when she calls me Hot Lips.
So we got to Uijongbu, went to the closest Family Mart we could find and got some beer. We sat at some park and drank our beer out of socks. Seriously. Then we decided our mission of the day would be nothing but fried chicken and beer. We (finally) found a place that was open on the Holiday and ordered what amounted to our own weight in yummy spicy fried chicken. And beer. And mango soju cocktails.
RL (holding camera) - How can I capture its' beauty? It looks so beautiful in the late afternoon sunlight!
Me - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HAHAHAHA! HAAAAAA! It's fucking fried chicken!! HAHA!
Here's some other quotes that aren't going to be funny to anyone but Rachellynn and I:
1. "I think we can do more with crack..."
2. "Scuzzbag Boozins"
3. "In 10 years they'll still smell like alcohol." (in reference to Heidi's rule that if they're old enough to smell like alcohol, they're old enough to (mom, shut your eyes) fuck).
4. "What was he missing?? One eye? One leg? One ball?"
5. "And then I think I'll have a manicure..."
6. "Fuck you Rachel Anne!! Or...whatever the fuck your name is!!!"
Yeah. Good times, for sure. Here's some pics.
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE...
...PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE oh please if you have any love in your heart for me at all please please
hire me a midget!!! I've always wanted one!! I'll take such good care of it!!! I promise!!
Blah Blah Blah
Today I managed to convince my speaking class that I know everything. Absolutely every speck of knowledge in the universe is all tucked safely away in my brain. Anyone who's spent more than 2 seconds on this blog knows that that clearly isn't true, but hey, they bought it with very little effort on my part. I was totally prepared to bullshit, but when they started quizzing me I actually knew all the answers to their questions. My favorite question?? "TEACHER!!! Do you know the words to Michael Jackson's song Thriller?!?!?" Fuck yeah I do! So we sang it. After they were convinced I knew everything, I convinced them that my great wealth of knowledge was due to the fact that I don't eat anything white. Seriously. I don't. Milk, yogurt, mayonnaise (God, do I hate mayonnaise), it's all disgusting and I don't go near any of it. Oohh...I do like whipped cream, though!
This week both of my kinder classes had to give presentations for their parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, hamsters, goldfish and oh, get this - one of my kids brought
her driver, and another one brought
her housekeeper. Not the family's housekeeper, hers. For her bedroom and playroom. Good Lord. My students did great, especially Green class. I was so proud! Joseph's class totally tanked. Sucks for him!
Moving on...here's a funny (to me, at least) story from work. One day I'm in class and my head teacher (Kevin) comes barging in and says "YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!" and I'm thinking to myself, "Fuck!! Am I getting fired? Am I on the next plane back to Newark or what??" He takes me into Joseph's classroom and points at one of the girls. No lie, she's 7 years old and wearing a shirt that says "Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck!" She had no idea what it meant, just thought the picture of the deer with its' ass in the air was cute. HAHAHA! Man, did we bust a gut!
And listen to this - later, we told one of the Korean teachers what it said, you know, thinking maybe she could let the kid's mom know not to let her wear that shirt anymore. You know what the teacher said???
Teacher: "Face down, ass up, that's the way I like to fuck?? Really???"
Kevin and I: "Yeah."
Teacher: "Me too!!!"
Charming. In some areas of my life that would not be an out of place conversation at all, but we do not have the type of work environment where shit like that is said. It was awkward to say the least. Probably moreso for Kevin cause he had to drag my hysterically laughing ass out of there. So here's a picture of the shirt. It's a little hard to see, but you'll get the idea. Oh, and tomorrow's Friday!!! Woo Hoo!!
Can I get a high five?!?!?
Oh, and did you guys see THIS??? At first, I thought I had accidentally ended up on The Onion instead of CNN. Sorry for the unsexy clicking you'll have to do, but I swear the headline alone is worth it!!!
I don't wanna go to school today!!!!
I used to be a punk rocker. Really. Green hair, tongue ring, ripped up fishnets. Got my 3rd tattoo. My mom loved me
soooo much during that phase. Now I dye my hair other shades (though they're really not any more natural looking...), I've outgrown the tongue ring and if I wear fishnets they're not ripped. But I never outgrew the music!! Today I listened to as much punk as I could, and it was so great!!
This is the kid who bit me today in class. Hard. Like, broke skin hard. He bit the back of my hand when I was trying to feed him a vegetable. Just goes to show you nothing good comes from eating healthy. I can't be too mad at him, though. I'd do the same thing to anyone who got near me with mayonnaise. Unless it was a hippie. Never bite a hippie. You might get some of their nasty, patchouli scented bacteria in your mouth, and everyone knows there's no cure for dirty hippies.
I'd just like to take this moment to announce to the world - or the 7 people who read my blog, anyway - that when it comes to being a true sports fan,
BEAKS IS A TOTAL POSER!!
Has anyone else noticed how much YouTube sucks lately? Everything is "unavailable" because of some stupid copyright shit, and blah blah blah, it sucks! Yesterday I spent most of my time lying around on the floor, stuffing myself full of junk food (p.s. people back home - please send MORE chocolate), watching movies and closely monitoring the mental breakdown of Brittany. Somewhere around 4:00 I felt a bit guilty at not having done anything productive so I spent some time on iTunes, uploading new music, making a new running playlist, putting more episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on - you know, really important stuff. One of the CDs I uploaded was an older Brian Regan disc sent to me by a friend recently. Funny, funny stuff. Getting back to how much YouTube sucks (see, there was a point to that!!) I tried to post his hysterically funny skit "Stupid in School." Because, you know me, always trying to share and brighten the lives of others. But it wouldn't let me. FUCK YOU, YOUTUBE!!!
Anyway, here's 2 things you should know:
1. My song of the day is 'Army" by Ben Folds. The live version. It rocks my world.
2. From this day forward, anyone stupid enough to waste time reading through my archives must leave the following comment: "OH MY GOD!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE 30! YOU LOOK FANTABULOUS!!" or some kind of nonsense like that. I'm feeling old. :(
Here's a picture of a monkey humping my backpack in Malaysia. I hate monkeys.
Random Thoughts...
I wonder if there are people who never developed object permanence??? They would be so much fun to fuck with. And it would be really easy to steal their beer.
In what can only be described as further proof that hagwons will hire anyone, Beaks will be back in Seoul in a few weeks. I recommend hiding your valuables and locking up your Korean daughters...
I used to be a punk rocker. Really. Green hair, tongue ring, ripped up fishnets. Got my 3rd tattoo. My mom loved me soooo much during that phase. Now I dye my hair other shades (though they're really not any more natural looking...), I've outgrown the tongue ring and if I wear fishnets they're not ripped. But I never outgrew the music!! Today I listened to as much punk as I could, and it was so great!!
This is the kid who bit me today in class. Hard. Like, broke skin hard. He bit the back of my hand when I was trying to feed him a vegetable. Just goes to show you nothing good comes from eating healthy. I can't be too mad at him, though. I'd do the same thing to anyone who got near me with mayonnaise. Unless it was a hippie. Never bite a hippie. You might get some of their nasty, patchouli scented bacteria in your mouth, and everyone knows there's no cure for dirty hippies.
