Deeper Shade Of Seoul

When are y'all getting to Tex Mex? I get to El Paso Friday around 12:30, so if you guys are getting there soon after I'll just wait. I leave Monday afternoon, around 3. Someone burn me some good music for the airport waits/long plane ride home.

@ss Gagger...just booked our room, so that's all settled. They wouldn't let me book it under my hash name, so if you beat me there it's reserved under my real name.

Can't fuckin' wait!!

posted by Jes @ 01:15 11 comments

Stolen from the Washington Post...make sure you read the last line.

Mooning deemed 'disgusting' but legal in Md. Man who exposed his buttocks during an argument walks free
By Ernesto Londoo
The Washington Post
Updated: 9:59 a.m. ET Jan. 4, 2006
WASHINGTON - Acquitting a Germantown man who exposed his buttocks during an argument with a neighbor, a Montgomery County Circuit Court judge ruled yesterday that mooning, while distasteful, is not illegal in Maryland.
"If exposure of half of the buttock constituted indecent exposure, any woman wearing a thong at the beach at Ocean City would be guilty," Judge John W. Debelius III said after the bench trial, reversing the ruling of a District Court judge.
Debelius made clear his disdain for the defendant, calling the alleged act "disgusting" and "demeaning." The outcome could have been different, he suggested, if the man had been on trial for "being a jerk."
The case arose from a June 7 argument between the defendant, Raymond Hugh McNealy, 44, and a neighbor, Nanette Vonfeldt. Vonfeldt pressed charges against McNealy after he allegedly yelled and, according to Vonfeldt, threatened to "blow up my building" as she and her 8-year-old daughter walked out of their apartment, in the 20200 block of Shipley Terrace in Germantown.
"Then, for whatever reason, in full view of my daughter, he mooned us," Vonfeldt wrote in a court document. The two had a long-standing feud over issues before their homeowners association, which held a heated meeting the night before, McNealy's attorneys said. McNealy wanted Vonfeldt off the association's board, his attorneys said.
The case went to trial Sept. 12 before Montgomery District Court Judge Eugene Wolfe, who ruled against the defendant. Indecent exposure in Maryland is punishable by as much as three years in prison and a $1,000 fine.
Victory for 'beachgoers and plumbers'McNealy's attorneys appealed the verdict, arguing that indecent exposure in Maryland constitutes the willful public display of a person's "private parts" -- which, they argued, do not include a person's buttocks.
Senior Assistant State's Attorney Dan Barnett said the indecent exposure law in Maryland is ambiguous.
"In our minds, this was not a bathing suit scenario," said Barnett, who supervises Montgomery County prosecutors who handle cases in District Court. "This was a grown man exposing himself to an 8-year-old girl."
Defense attorneys cited a 1983 case of a woman who was arrested after protesting in front of the U.S. Supreme Court wearing nothing but a cardboard sign that covered the front of her body. The D.C. Court of Appeals ruled in 1986 that indecent exposure is limited to a person's genitals.
James Maxwell, one of McNealy's attorneys, said yesterday's ruling should "bring comfort to all beachgoers and plumbers" in the state.

posted by Jes @ 06:45 7 comments

Man, did work suck today. It's so hard to put effort into a job you don't like when you know you're leaving soon anyway. I hope I don't hate my job in Korea. And on top of work sucking, lots of people in my life have sucky things happening to them and it's really wearing on me. I'm heading out for some retail therapy...hopefully in the form of some hot new black boots!

posted by Jes @ 06:28 13 comments

WELCOME BACK RENNIE!!!

posted by Jes @ 04:22 3 comments

I'm Keeping My Resolution!

Some of you avid readers may remember that my resolution is to start slapping stupid people in the head (did you think I was kidding?). Now, aside from the innocent animals being slaughtered just so I can enjoy them for dinner, I wouldn't normally condone any type of violence. But sometimes people (OK, I admit it...usually females) ask for it. I am hereby offering fair warning to all of you that the following actions will earn you a slap. If you're much bigger than me and I'm afraid to slap you myself, I'll have Mike D do the slapping for me.

1. Asking me if I'm moving to North or South Korea. Which one do you fucking think I'm going to move to?
2. Staring at me blankly when I mention "Seoul." No one deserves to be slapped more than dumb, ugly Americans who have never looked at a map. For crying out loud people, they hosted the freaking Olympics! It's not exactly a small village in the middle of nowhere. And yes, they have electricity. And no, I'm not going to come home on vacation and eat your dog.

Got it? Clear enough for you folks? Cause it's your last warning, and you don't want to upset Mike D.

posted by Jes @ 14:27 9 comments

A Personal Note to DOF

Dear DOF,
I really, really hope you find your dog today.
xoxo-
Begging

posted by Jes @ 13:52 3 comments

Biographers, Take Note...

One little known fact about me for each year of life on this planet. 24 in all...

1. I am a super hero. And a rock star.
2. I was Edison Elementary's 5th grade spelling bee champion.
3. I predict that the Pittsburgh Pirates will win the 2007 World Series.
4. I have tattoos.
5. I also predict that the world will end in the year 2019.
6. I cry at movies.
7. I am not really 24.
8. I had a purple bedroom when I was little. With unicorn pictures.
9. I do not trust people who don't drink.
10. I am the world's best parallel parker. In any vehicle.
11. I want to be a Beastie Boy when I grow up.
12. I sing in the shower.
13. I will not eat sushi. It's disgusting.
14. I have beaten Tony Sandler at Dead or Alive. Several times.
15. I think Tim Burton is a genius.
16. I have been arrested one time.
17. I have been kicked out of better places than this.
18. I once played a pancake in the school play, which may be why I love them so much.
19. I taught John Popper to play the harmonica.
20. I am like fly paper for freaks.
21. I think bacon makes everything better.
22. I do not understand why Aerosmith is famous.
23. I am not living up to my potential.
24. I have no sense of direction.

posted by Jes @ 10:17 31 comments

Getting ready to leave (I'm moving to Korea, people, come on...keep up) has been getting tougher and tougher. I still can't wait to go, but it's weird hearing everyone make plans for awesome events that I won't be around to attend. I know it's my life that's drastically changing and not theirs, so there's no reason for me to take it personally that everyone will be having just as much fun without me as they did with me, but sometimes I just can't help it. Part of me loves that I can just pack a few things in a backpack and take off on my own like this, but it also makes me feel as if my life is somewhat...what's the word?...disposable.
So just when I start to feel like no one really even cares that I'm leaving, my regular customers at the bar (the ones I like, not the creepy stalkers) pull me aside to give me a going away present. And it turns out to be the greatest gift ever!! An autographed picture of the true love of my life, Lance Armstrong!! I was so overwhelmed by the gesture I didn't even know what to say. I damn near cried, and that's pretty huge for me. I think it's a sign that 2006 will be the year that Lance finally realizes what a skanky whore Sheryl really is. Then he will dump her ass and pedal over to me as quickly as he can (which is probably pretty fast...I better go get ready. Don't want to be in my pajamas when he gets here). Or maybe I will challenge her to a bike off, with Lance as the prize...I'm pretty sure I could kick her ass on a bike. I can't decide exactly how I would prefer to have it play out, but the bottom line is that Lance will be with me, not her.

Anyway, back to the picture...I'm still overwhelmed, and I still don't know how I can ever thank them enough. It was truly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It's not just the gift (although the picture truly fucking rocks!!), but the thought that these people will notice my absence, and that things might be a little bit different without me. It couldn't have come at a better time, and if they ever make it to Korea for some reason the Harp, Jamesons, Cosmos, and Beefeater martinis are all on me!

posted by Jes @ 01:18 3 comments

Hangover Rating System

One Star Hangover (*):

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well; however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still
feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**):

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing
around
the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is
some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***):

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavo red schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home
in your bed watching reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of

water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****):

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
(For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about
five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone
who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****):

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cube. Alcohol vapor is seeping out of
every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are probably still drunk.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy
out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger
was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate
results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with
a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems
to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds
pretty good about right now!



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

posted by Jes @ 00:38 1 comments