23 8월 2007

I Have a New Job

I wanna tell you guys more about it, but first you'll have to become familiar with the following terms. Also, from now on please refrain from using my real name when calling me on my cell phone. See entry under "SIGINT" for details.

Agent (Asset): Foreigner recruited by a CIA case officer.

Base: CIA post that is smaller than a station.

Case Officer: A member of the Directorate of Operations (DO) who recruits and directs agents.

CI (Counterintelligence): Information and action against foreign espionage.

Clandestine Service: The same thing as the Directorate of Operations.

Collection: The gathering of raw intelligence info.

Cover: Official or unofficial position held by a member of the Directorate of Operations.

Covert Operation: Secret operation often done at the direction of the President. The Bay of Pigs invasion, for example.

Dead Drop: Secret location for agents and case officers to exchange information. The KGB used to use a hollow tree trunk in Washington, D.C.

Defector: Someone of interest to the CIA who has left his or her country of citizenship.

Denied Area: Country where the US has no diplomatic or military presence.

Developmental: A potential agent courted by a case officer.

Diplomatic Cover: A fake diplomatic position that protects a case officer from prosecution.

Dissemination: Distribution of intelligence.

Double Agent: Agent who is actually working for another government, normally feeding misinformation to the CIA. In the late 1980s, it was discovered that nearly all Cuban agents were working for Castro and passing on misinformation to the CIA.

False Flag: Agent, officer, or operation disguised to appear as if run by another country.

Handle (also called a vulnerability): Information, money, or other means for a case officer to exert control over an agent.

Hard-Target Country: Nation that the CIA considers to be difficult for spying, such as North Korea, China, France, Iran, and Russia.

HUMINT (human intelligence): Intelligence collected by the Directorate of Operations.

IMINT (imagery intelligence): Satellite imagery from spy satellites costing over $1 billion each, so exceptionally detailed that the numbers on license plates are visible.

Institutional Recruitment: Agent who can be passed down from case officer to case officer.

Legend: False identity of a case officer, often that of a real person, albeit a dead one.

Nonofficial Cover (NOC): A fake or real private sector job used by a case officer as a cover.

PNG: Eviction of a diplomat by declaring him or her a persona non grata, usually for spying. The benefit of official cover is that case officers are kicked out of a country instead of being thrown in jail.

SIGINT (signals intelligence): Intelligence gained by intercepting electronic communications.

Station: A major CIA post.

Takedown: Destruction of a network of foreign agents.

Walk-ins: Agents who are not recruited but instead offer their services.

Fuck!!

Do any of you *ahem* older people from the States remember that fabric softener commercial from many years ago, where the person looks up from whatever they were doing, gets all frantic, and says, "I FORGOT TO ADD THE FABRIC SOFTENER!!!!!" as if this means the whole world is going to cease spinning? That was totally me this morning. Damn! I need one of those Downy balls...do they still make them? Someone send me one.

22 8월 2007

It would be cool if the subways here were a bit more extreme. Like rollercoasters. I think when I'm in charge I'm gonna look into making that happen.

20 8월 2007

Hmmm...Maybe If They Threw In An Oven...

Russian region announces a National Day of Screwing.



This caught my eye while I was checking out fellow hasher Ass Gagger's blog (link on the right). This had better not be the reason my boyfriend has recently started talking about spending a semester in Russia! Seriously though, can you imagine your boss giving you the day off to stay home and get laid? Best. Job. Ever. Of course, back home in the States we already have a day like this and it's on March 14th.

Russians get day off to procreate, then win prizes By The Denver Post Article Last Updated: 08/15/2007 12:42:25 AM MDT

Moscow - A Russian region of Ulyanovsk has found a novel way to fight the nation's birth-rate crisis: It has declared Sept. 12 the Day of Conception and for the third year running is giving couples time off from work to procreate. The hope is for a brood of babies exactly nine months later on Russia's national day. Couples who "give birth to a patriot" during the June 12 festivities win money, cars, refrigerators and other prizes.

Ulyanovsk, about 550 miles east of Moscow, has held similar contests since 2005. Since then, the number of competitors, and the number of babies born to them, has been on the rise. Russia, with one-seventh of Earth's land surface, has just 141.4 million citizens, making it one of the most sparsely settled countries in the world. With a low birth rate and a high death rate, the population has been shrinking since the early 1990s.

In his state-of-the-nation address last year, President Vladimir Putin called the demographic crisis the most acute problem facing Russia and announced a broad effort to boost Russia's birth rate, including cash incentives to families that have more than one child. Ulyanovsk Gov. Sergei Morozov has added an element of fun to the national campaign. The 2007 grand prize went to Irina and Andrei Kartuzov, who received a UAZ-Patriot, a sport utility vehicle. Other contestants won video cameras, TVs, refrigerators and washing machines.

Yesterday while flipping through TV channels I saw the Dalai Lama. And my first thought was, "He looks like he's been working out." How ridiculous is that?