Deeper Shade Of Seoul

hahahahaha.

Take a knee, boys.

posted by Jes @ 22:44 6 comments

Walk It Off!!

Friday night I headed down to the Dream EZ for some makkolli with RL. While we were in her apartment I pointed at something across the room and - no lie - SHE RAN EYE FIRST INTO MY FINGER!!!! Fucking retard. So I helped out as best I could...you know, by asking if she was OK and taking pictures of her rolling around the floor in agony. Luckily, it does not appear that this injury will affect her career as the world's hottest Eastern European Supermodel.

posted by Jes @ 22:26 5 comments

Justin!!!

This is Justin, and I totally adore him. Good thing he's a great kid, cause I'd never be able to discipline him. He's just too cute. Today he brought me a box of chocolates for White Day. He was too shy to give it to me, so he sort of threw it at me and then ran away screaming.

posted by Jes @ 21:59 2 comments

This is one of my new afternoon classes. They're smart and funny and we have a pretty good time together. They just graduated from kindergarten last month, so the first week I taught them they were all serious, asking for homework and sitting up straight and proper in their chairs. I tried to play a game with them one day and they were like, "We're not babies anymore, Jessica Teacher!" Well, excuse me! Today, they were faced with the unfortunate realization that since they aren't kindy kids anymore there's no science and art class. They were so disappointed, and then one of them said, "Being old is bad." Tell me about it, kid.

posted by Jes @ 21:46 3 comments

Last Night

More to come. Like RL's debut as an Eastern European Supermodel. In a white bikini. Running on the beach. With red wine. God, I love us.

posted by Jes @ 08:54 4 comments

Fuck.

I was hoping for Arkansas.

posted by Jes @ 06:08 3 comments

A Survey

I would consider myself to be a very "live and let live" type of person. You're into watching midgets fuck goats? Okay! You hid the bodies where?? Not bad for your second attempt! Hey, who am I to judge? I may not participate, but I won't judge you for it. And really, as long as you're not a racist, a homophobe, a jar of mayonnaise, or Shelly and RL's new coworker from Jersey chances are we'll get along just fine.

So I've got this friend. And maybe in the past we've gotten a little *ahem* friendly with each other. And we're hanging out the other night (just hanging out, no friendliness involved, I swear) and he says, "Hey, got any chapstick I can use?" And I say, "No. And even if I did, I wouldn't share it. That's fucking disgusting!"

BIG ARGUMENT ENSUES.

"I've used your chapstick before."
"No you haven't."
"Yes, I have."
"No dude, you haven't."

See where this is going? Now, in all fairness, parts of the night he supposedly used my chapstick are a bit blurry. I wouldn't describe my state of mind or my behavior that night as stellar. But I know I have never, ever in my life been fucked up to the point that I would allow him to borrow my chapstick. I may say something along the lines of, "You can use it, but I don't want it back," but there's no way I allowed him to use it, then took it back and used it myself. And still, he insists this is what happens. There's no way. I'm sure of this for two reasons:

1. Seriously. Chapstick? What are the odds of me actually having chapstick? I'm not saying I don't need it. I run miles outside in the nasty Seoul air. My lips are constantly dry, chapped, sunburned, or a combination of those three. But I never have chapstick, cause I hardly ever use it. It's waxy and tastes bad and it smells...yuck. When I do have it, I lose it within 24 hours anyway. I'll make an exception for Burt's Bees cause I like the tingly feeling and it smells yummy, but I can't find that here and my jackass friends and family don't send me mail anymore. And really, if you walk into a bar and see me and my friends sitting around, trust me, I'm the last one you would think would have any type of beauty product on her.

2. I operate on a very strict NO SHARING TOOTHBRUSHES AND CHAPSTICK rule. I don't take alot of things very seriously, and I've been known to break rules. But that's a rule I stand quite firm on. And here's where my nonjudgemental policy on life completely falls apart. Because if you are the kind of person who would share toothbrushes and/or chapstick, I think you're gross. And not just, "Oh, dude...that's totally not cool" gross. I'm talking "Gag me with a spoon, don't even sit next to me, you're completely vile and I think I'm gonna throw up" gross.

"So, you're saying we could never share a toothbrush?"
"That is, indeed, what I am saying."
"Never?"
"Absolutely never."
"But you've had my (fill in the blank) in your mouth." [note: unless you're my mom reading this, in which case I have never and would never do such a thing.]
"Different."
"It's not different."
"Yeah, it's totally different. DIFF.ER.ENT."

Clearly, I'm the world's worst arguer. But am I the strange one here? I can't imagine any scenario that would make me say, "Oh, well in that case!! Please, feel free to leave your plaque, tartar, and chewed up food residue on something that I'm going to put in my mouth!! I insist!!" We're travelling together? Bring your own. They're not heavy, they don't take up any room. There's no need to share. You forgot yours? Go get a new one!! They're 2 bucks, for Christ's sake! They're not rare, they're not hard to find, get your own!! You may, under an extreme emergency situation, convince me to share chapstick. I doubt it, but maybe it could happen. But a toothbrush? No way. Never.

Would you ever share your toothbrush and/or chapstick with someone? Seriously, I wanna know. Drop your thoughts into the comment section. If you say yes, I'm going to think you're disgusting. And I'll never invite you to my home, because everytime you go to the bathroom I'll be afraid you're using my toothbrush.

posted by Jes @ 16:24 18 comments

OH YEAH!!!!

posted by Jes @ 13:02 0 comments