Deeper Shade Of Seoul

Hangover Rating System

One Star Hangover (*):

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
well; however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still
feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**):

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing
around
the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is
some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***):

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavo red schnapps shots your alcoholic friends
dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home
in your bed watching reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of

water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****):

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late
and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes,
but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face.
(For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the
bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about
five craps you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone
who enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****):

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying
the employee who sits in the next cube. Alcohol vapor is seeping out of
every pore and making you dizzy. In fact, you are probably still drunk.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy
out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is
suffocating You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger
was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate
results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with
a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems
to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds
pretty good about right now!



THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

posted by Jes @ 00:38