How To Make A Shank
First, you have to go to a shitty border town. The kind where nobody asks any questions when a white girl shows up in a machine shop and asks the boss to make her a shank. We chose Reynosa, Mexico, where GLF's dad just happens to have a machine shop.It is very important to choose the perfect piece of scrap metal for your shank. I went with this rusty old saw blade, figuring if my prison shanking abilities were less than stellar I could at least hope my victim hadn't had a recent tetanus shot.
Next step: filing the piece of metal into a shank-like shape. I went with a double edge shank, being totally unaware there were different styles to choose from until GLF's dad politely explained them to me. :) I'm all about proper safety equipment, but Gaylord, being hecho en Mexico, was too cool for protective eye wear.
After playing in the shop for awhile, and one desperate escape attempt by yours truly (I only made it 3 blocks on my own before I was picked up, brought back, and very sternly told to NOT GO OUTSIDE BY MYSELF - it was like that time I got grounded for setting off my crazy neighbors car alarm so often that he finally called the police) we decided to leave the shank-making to the Mexicans and go get drunk. :)
After some margaritas and visits to a few of GLF's uncles - one of them, apparently the smarter one, refused to allow me to enter his bar. My reputation as a master shanker must have preceeded me!!! - we went back to pick up the finished product. As the first picture clearly demonstrates, proper shanking technique requires you to hold your shank in one hand, and your margarita in the other.
The finished product:
Then we had a fantastic BBQ at GLF's dad's house. Check out GLF's HOT sisters!!! I thought Brownie was the only hasher with a hot sister. :)
GLF got a little mouthy so I had to teach him what happens to Mexicans who can't keep their mouth shut.
Just kidding. I didn't do that. Late last night, after drinking my own weight in vodka, we smuggled my shank across the border and now we're back in McAllen, Texas. Sadly, I have lost custody of my shank and GLF says I can only use it under direct supervision. :(
posted by Jes @ 00:31
12 Comments:
I bet BATT would pay you quite a few pesos for a necklace with Gaylord's finger on it!
And don't bring your shank to Manitou. We're a peace loving, non-violent, hippie town. And you'd break your shank in half on our livers.
1. That shank was the scariest thing ever.
2. GLFs sisters are the hottest girls to grace the Deeper Shade ever.
wow...
maybe even "at home"
if you know what i mean :-)
wait Brownie didn't you see a fight between a hippie and a mexican...the shank might have come in handy
Hmmmmm I'm thinking a shank won't be needed in austin..I have my .38:)
I'm totally shanking every Colorado hippie I see. Including you, Brownie!
Gaylord, as soon as your sisters turn 18 I'm returning the favor!
Jes, you're gonna need more than a shank. My ninjutsu skills are da bomb!
Brownie, I would say that's cool, but they are definitely not "chubby" enough for your taste.
;)
besides, I offered a sister for sister trade 4 years ago, and you declined. hahaha
Dude, they're mexican, so they'll be chubby like their older brother in no time! And they were like eight years old when you offered that trade. But yeah, it was a bad decision, worse than when the Red Sox traded Babe Ruth. Guess I'm cursed now.
Your hair is looking fab did you get it done since you've been home??? Love all the pics and glad you are having a great time xoxoxoxoxoxo
Hey, Jes, it's Justin. It looks like you're having more fun than is legal, and thus decided to defend yourself from the authorities with scary-assed looking weaponry. Rad. Hope you're having as much fun as it looks, the Wonderland crew misses you! (so the three of us still here, ha)
That shank IS scary! Sorry I told you to move up from the plastic knife!!!
Hellow? This is Ma in Korea. I am and would be so pleased to meet and know more deeple about you.
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